Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
