i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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