do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
