let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
