So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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