I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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