Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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