the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
