fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sorry my hands just texted you
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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