What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
