Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
