just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
