is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
