i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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