What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
