I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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