Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
