i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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