It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
