all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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