spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
ttyl tear gas
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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