so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
