Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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