So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
