I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So vagazzling was a success
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My vagina just clenched in fear
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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