o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
