he shaved USA in his pubs
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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