I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize