Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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