I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
