All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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