Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize