pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
