Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I hate all girls vehemently.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
