I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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