it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
this boner is exhausting
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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