so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
