who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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