No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
