pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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