I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize