maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
