So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
