Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
