I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
