Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
this hospital has no fireball
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize