walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
