so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
not ubering you a puppy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
