there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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