Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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