it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
