I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
