In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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