You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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