Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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