brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
