absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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