Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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