This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize