My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
