dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
