Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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