you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize