Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
