hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
