My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
should my penis look like a turkey
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
