Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I looked at my own cervix.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
