I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
