I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
