STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
