A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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