im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
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