His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
