he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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